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I have always had a passion for intimacy with my Creator.
I remember times as a child when I would stretch out
on the hillside beside our house and stare into the
stars and listen for God's whispers.
I was raised by wonderful Christian parents of Mennonite
descent (Harry & Agnes Doerksen), plus I had the
privilege of knowing all my grandparents (all of whom
were born in Russia in the Ukraine; on my Dad's side
they came to Canada via Paraguay after fleeing the Russian
Revolution). It was my grandfather, Peter Doerksen,
from whom I inherited my love of the stringed instruments,
while my love to sing came from my father, who led the
singing on most Sundays in the Mennonite Brethren church
I was raised in.
The call to music ministry came in my teens. I was
excelling in sports, following hard in my older brother's
footsteps when one night I had a life changing experience
alone in my bedroom. A presence of love and power came
into the room and seemed to ask me this simple question,
"Will you give me your life to serve me?"
After saying yes, I found that the desire to be involved
in sports was gone, and in it's place was a desire to
play music for God. I formed a Christian band among
my friends, and we began to learn to play as we went.
(I am still amazed at all the noise and late night practices
and "recordings" my parents put up with!!)
One of the most memorable nights of my youth was when
my Dad took me, along with some of my friends, to see
a couple of Christian bands in concert in Seattle. That
night gave me a glimpse of the church as a whole, and
when they went into a time of worship near the end and
people began to lift their hands (I had never seen this
before), I was deeply moved by the presence of God and
said, "This is what I was made for." I was
also amazed that the quality of the music and sound
were top-notch; that was formative in my passion for
both excellence of heart and skill in worship music.
It was around this time that the focus of my life was
formed - to make and sing music with all my heart to
God. Around this time, a small group of friends used
to gather on weekends to hang out together and sing
worship songs and pray. There would be a guitar or two
in the middle of the room, and whoever had a song would
pick it up and play it. It was very valuable for me
to get my start as a worship leader in a place where
there were no titles and no high-pressure expectations.
There was no audience but God and a group of friends
where we all felt safe to express our hearts. In this
way, no one was embarrassed about really expressing
our worship freely with our voices and our bodies, though
this was not the norm at the church services we attended
at that time. We also had lots of worship gatherings
at our house that my parents graciously hosted, which
at times would swell to more than 50 people gathering
to worship and pray.
Shortly after graduating from high school (Mennonite
Educational Institute or M.E.I. in Abbotsford B.C.),
I had another life-changing opportunity. I was able
to attend Youth with a Mission's (YWAM) Discipleship
Training School (D.T.S.) in Tyler, Texas. It was a time
of spiritual growth and interaction with people from
all different backgrounds and nations and it was my
first experience in the developing world, as our outreach
took us to Mexico, Guatemala and El Salvador.
Shortly after returning from my D.T.S. I married my
high school sweetheart, Joyce Doerksen (yes her maiden
name was "Doerksen" and no, we were not related
before we were married. Actually, "Doerksen,"
which is pronounced "Dirksen," is a very common
Mennonite name where we grew up!). Two months after
getting married, we moved to Singapore to take part
in a Far East Evangelism Team for 5 months with YWAM.
It was a great start for our marriage; serving together
really formed a bond and a partnership between us that
is only getting stronger all these years later. While
we were serving in S.E Asia with YWAM, I first heard
my Mom speak about a man named John Wimber and a new
church movement called "The Vineyard." So
when I returned to Canada in the summer of 1985, we
went with my parents to visit the first Vineyard that
had been planted in Canada: the Langley Vineyard. There
were about 150 people at the time and I didn't know
any of them, but when we walked in that summer day,
I sensed the Lord say, "This is now your spiritual
home."
Within a couple months of being there I was approached
by the worship pastor, Andy Park, and asked whether
I could "play along" for a home group worship
time. I did that one time, and then Andy told me that
the next week, I would lead the worship and he would
play along. That happened and then Andy informed me
that he had to move on to train other worship leaders
and I was now the group's worship leader. I sometimes
joke that that was the extent of my worship leading
training. It is true that most of my training has come
"on the job," though during my Langley Vineyard
years, one of the many blessings was that Dr. Peter
Davids joined the staff and took some of us through
some part-time studies on theology and Church history.
I hope do some more studying in the future.
The Langley Vineyard began to grow rapidly, and there
was an amazing time of favour and expansion in many
areas. Gary and Joy Best were our pastors and team leaders
and we are still good friends now, as we are with other
leaders from that time including Doug and Suzie Watts
and Andy and Linda Park. In 1989 Andy announced his
intended departure to plant a church, and so I became
the full-time worship pastor at the ripe age of 23!
Almost immediately we had an idea to do a simple worship
recording so our growing congregation could have access
to the songs in their homes and cars. On Oct 1,1989
we gathered the church for an evening of worship to
record the songs that were coming out of the life of
the church in that season. Songs like "Refiner's
Fire," "Faithful One" and "I lift
my eyes up" were written in this season. We had
no idea that that recording would go to go to sell tens
of thousands of copies and set many things in motion
for many of our lives. Within a few months of the release
of that recording, I was invited to make a recording
in Anaheim with Vineyard Music called "Hear Our
Cry - Touching the Father's Heart #6." Over the
years I went on to make a number of recordings with
Vineyard Music in the USA including "Light the
Fire Again," "Faithful Father" and a
title in their "Acoustic Worship" series called
"Isn't He."
The late 80's and early 90's were also the time of
life when God blessed Joyce and I with a growing family.
Rachel, our first child and daughter, arrived on the
8th day of the 8th month of the 88th year, Esther arrived
18 months later and Benjamin 18 months after that. There
is a sense that the early to mid 90's were some of the
best of times, but also a time of exhaustion because
of so much growth in both ministry and family life.
It was several weeks after my first son Benjamin was
born that the vision came to me about writing a "musical
of hope for the fatherless" called "Father's
House." Of course, if I would have known the length
and cost of the journey, I may have never embarked on
it! Isn't that a lot like parenting or many of life's
most rewarding endeavours? And so I began writing songs,
and other people from my home church, the Langley Vineyard,
began working on scripts for the musical. About two
years later we were ready to begin to present it. The
first thing I did was spend the early months of 94 at
Paul Janz's recording studio in Mission, B.C. recording
the songs from the musical. The CD came out at our first
performances in May 94 in Abbotsford, and that CD went
on to sell around 70,000 units before it went out of
print, which is not bad considering it wasn't sold through
a large distribution company, nor was it given any specific
marketing attention. The musical itself sold out in
Abbotsford in May of 94 and then in Burnaby later that
same year. There were several Christian professional
theatre and media people that came and asked for a meeting
after seeing the production. They were very positive
about the music and not that crazy about the script.
Following their counsel led us down a road of massive
script revision, making the piece more of a modern inner-city
piece about the fatherless poor. We invested a large
amount of money (a total of over one million dollars
from several sources) to try and launch the musical
professionally in late 96. To make a long story short,
due to lower than expected ticket sales, and higher
than expected overhead, Father's House closed in mid-December
96. The impact was felt by many people, the most by
the Rademaker family (Darryl & Daphne Rademaker
were our partners in the company that was formed to
facilitate the musical) and us. We had decided a few
months prior that while asking other people to invest
in the project, we should also be willing to invest.
We had already put in all the resources we had, so we
decided to sell our house and put the equity into the
musical. So when the musical closed and the company
became insolvent, we had no place to live (other than
the RV we had purchased via a loan to tour the musical
in) and we were completely broke!!! Talk about learning
some of life's lessons about risk and faith!!! Since
we had no place to live and it was January, we piled
our 5 kids into the RV and headed south for warmer weather
(Southern California and Arizona) and for some space
and time to pray and think about what we should do next.
While we were in Anaheim visiting some friends, John
and Carol Wimber invited us to meet them for breakfast.
During that meeting, we shared stories about trying
to follow God and what to do when things don't turn
out the way we planned (John had just gone through the
collapse of a radio ministry others had encouraged him
to start which had cost him hundreds of thousands of
dollars). At one point in the conversation, John mentioned
that he had just been on the phone with John Mumford,
who oversees the Vineyard churches in the UK and Ireland
and that they were looking for a worship pastor who
could also train the songwriters in the movement there.
One thing led to another, and within a few months our
family was moving to England. We arrived in Southwest
London in late April 1997, beginning a wonderful new
season of life and ministry there. We were heartbroken
over the apparent failure of the musical, yet it was
out of the "ashes" of those circumstances
that the call to worship was being reawakened in me.
I am still amazed to this day by the goodness of God
in not "writing us off!!" His grace is so
much deeper and higher and wider than our lives' failures
and detours!
A few months into our time living in London, I was
on my typical morning prayer and exercise walk. While
I walked I began to "tune in" to a phrase
that kept repeating over and over. "Come, now is
the time to worship." I believe the call to worship
is going out all the time, and it was like I heard "echoes"
of it as I walked. I then came home and sat down at
the piano and began to flesh out the first line into
a song. I wrote it as a call to worship incorporating
key things I believe about worship. I believe God wants
us to come and worship just the way we are, though when
true worship happens we don't stay the way we are. When
we make that choice, we experience the pleasure of worship;
the treasure of being with God. "Come, Now is the
Time to Worship" has gone on to become, at this
point, my most popular song.
During my little over two years living in London, I
had the opportunity to make some wonderful friends and
participate in some recording projects that were very
special to all of us involved. The first one was called
"Come, Now is the Time" and did quite well,
as it introduced new British Vineyard worship music
to the rest of the world. The 2nd recording we did was
called "Hungry" and that one did exceptionally
well, building on the reputation of the first one and
exceeding it in sales (I believe the current numbers
are somewhere between 300,000 - 350,000 units sold).
One other major life changing event happened during
our time in England: our 6th child was born. This was
a step of faith for us, because shortly after the birth
of our twins, Joy and Mercy, in 95, we had found out
about a condition that was affecting our son called
"Fragile X Syndrome." Fragile X Syndrome is
the 2nd leading cause of mental retardation behind Downs
Syndrome, though it is less evident physically, and
is passed genetically, usually from the mother. Knowing
this information, we felt it was right and important
to take this step, and of course we were praying for
an unaffected male, as at this point we had 4 girls
and 1 boy. Isaiah Robert was born on June 8 1999 in
the Kingston upon Thames hospital in South West London
and we were totally thrilled! About a year later we
found out that Isaiah also had Fragile X Syndrome. That
day was one of the toughest I can ever remember. I wanted
to resign from all public ministry and just focus on
being a parent to special needs children. Before the
day was done, both Joyce and I felt a strong leading
that I was not to resign, but continue with a "limp,"
sharing God's heart through music and the arts, and
leading worship not just from a place of strength, but
a place of weakness. I also realized that, due to having
a large family including special needs children, I could
not travel extensively. As a result, Joyce and I are
very careful about keeping a good balance between family
and ministry, and not committing to many events that
would take me away from home; yet at the same time,
we are determined to do our best to continue to be faithful
to the specific things God has called me to do.
We returned to Canada in the summer of 1999 for two
reasons. Even though we were asked to stay and continue
the work there, I felt that the people we had been training
needed the full opportunity to become the leaders they
were called to be. My parents also wanted to move out
of their home on the five acres I had been raised in,
and I just couldn't bear the thought of having the old
family home sold to someone we didn't know. There are
days where I still miss England so much it's like a
hole deep inside and I know that for the rest of my
life, whenever I visit there, it will feel like visiting
my second home. I even got totally used to driving on
the left side of the road. It was funny to learn recently
that until the 1920's, vehicles drove on the left side
of the road in my home province of British Columbia.
The latter part of 1999 and 2000 was spent in readjusting
to Canadian life (the kids sadly lost their British
accents in a few weeks) and helping Vineyard Music Canada
get rolling. I produced 2 major projects for them during
that time,"Believe" in 2000 and "All
I Need" in 2001. Returning to the town I grew up
in was not easy at first! It took some time for it to
become clear to me why we were back, but now there is
no place I would rather be. It's been especially encouraging
to see the church in Abbotsford come together in unity
through citywide events like "Love Abbotsford"
and "Together." I continue to be involved
with ministry in our local church (Abbotsford Vineyard),
which is a wonderful "not so large" church
that is full of families and life.
In November 2000, I had an impression that I was to
share my songs with the broader church and beyond, and
to do so, I needed to partner with a distributor and
publisher that had that type of access. After much prayer,
deliberation and discussion I resigned from being the
"Overseeing Producer" of Vineyard Music Canada
and from the board of Vineyard Music International.
Because everything was going so well in Vineyard Music
at the time, several pastoral leaders in the Vineyard
movement encouraged me that "this just may be God"
because most people don't want to resign in good times!
After resigning I didn't begin to "knock on doors,"
but I just waited for God's direction and His timing.
Several months into this time I received a phone call
from Chris Thomason from Integrity. To be honest, my
initial reaction was to eliminate the possibility based
on previous differences in style between Integrity and
Vineyard. As I went to talk with Chris, and "dismiss"
the possibility I sensed the Lord whisper to me, "Why
don't you ask Me what I think?" After sharing our
stories, vision and heart, we both sensed God's leading
towards a partnership. I have found the leaders at Integrity
to be people that live their name, and have a deep conviction
and ability to get worship music out to the four corners
of the earth. It's amazing to think that "You Shine"
will be distributed to over 170 nations through their
distribution network.
The recording of "You Shine" live in Dublin
was a fulfillment of many dreams and desires. It's actually
my first worship recording of my worship songs, plus
I got to do it with some of my best friends and do it
in one of my favourite cities in the world: Dublin.
During the last couple of years, it seemed as if the
songs I was writing were focused on the theme of "God's
faithfulness in times of trouble," so the recording
is very much centred on that lyrically, with both new
and old songs. It was also an incredible blessing to
have the CD mastered in New York at Sony Music Studios
by Vlado Meller, one of the pioneers of modern mastering
and one of the world's most sought after mastering engineers.
This came about due to Integrity's partnership with
Sony, which has also led to my CD being released into
the secular market by Sony Epic. I do believe we live
in a time when people's hunger for spiritual things
is increasing, and there is a much greater openness
to worship music; music that is written for an "Audience
of One."
As I look forward, one of my primary focuses will be
to continue to work on "Father's House the Musical."
We are currently preparing to do another rewrite of
the script, and once that is complete, we will begin
to perform it with the eventual goal of encouraging
other groups to put it on in their home cities. I anticipate
doing more recordings plus possibly doing some producing
for other worship leaders and recording artists I have
relationship with.
Joyce and I and the six children are again living in
the same house that I grew up as a child, and even though
we have expanded and renovated the old house (it was
originally built in the mid-1930's), we are trying to
keep as much of the old character as possible. I still
enjoy going to sit on the same hillside beside the house
to "remember my Creator." Everyday I offer
up prayers of gratitude for all of God's gifts, and
to say thank-you for the amazing privilege of being
a part of God's family and being able to serve His purposes
on the earth through doing what I love to do.
Brian Doerksen (Summer 2002)
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